Things Girls Should KnowAbout Guys

2. If you think you're fat, you
probably are. Don't ask us.
3. Learn to work the toilet
seat: if it's up put it down.
4. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
5. Birthdays, Valentines, and
Anniversaries are not
quests to see if he can find
the perfect present, again!
6. If you ask a question you
don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't
want to hear.
7. Sometimes, he's not
thinking about you. Live with
it.
8. Don't ask him what he's
thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss
such topics as navel lint,
the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
9. Get rid of your cat. And no,
it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
10. Dogs are better than ANY
cats. Period.
11. Sunday = Sports. It's like
the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it
be.
12. Shopping is not a sport.
13. Anything you wear is fine.
Really.
14. You have enough
clothes.
15. You have too many
shoes.
16. Crying is blackmail. Use it
if you must, but don't
expect us to like it.
17. Your brother is an idiot,
you ex-boyfriend is an idiot
and your Dad probably is
too.
18. Ask for what you want.
Subtle hints don't work.
19. No, he doesn't know what
day it is. He never will. Mark
anniversaries on a calendar.
20. Yes, pissing standing up
is more difficult than peeing
from point blank range. We're
bound to miss sometimes.
21. Most guys own two or
three pairs of shoes -- What
makes you think we'd be any
good at choosing which pair,
out of thirty, would look
good with your dress?
22. Yes and No are perfectly
acceptable answers.
23. A headache that lasts
for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
24. Your Mom doesn't have
to be our best friend.
25. Foreign films are best
left to foreigners.
26. Check you oil.
27. Don't give us 50 rules
when 25 will do.
28. Don't fake it. We'd rather
be ineffective than
deceived.
29. It is neither in your best
interest or ours to take the
quiz together.
30. Anything we said 6 or 8
months ago is inadmissible in
an argument. All comments
become null and void after 7
days.
31. If you don't dress like
the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like
soap opera guys.
32. If something we said can
be interpreted two ways, and
one of the ways makes you
sad and angry, we meant
the other one.
33. Let us ogle. If we don't
look at other women, how
can we know how pretty you
are?
34. You can either ask us to
do something OR tell us how
you want it done -- not both.
35. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you
have to say during
commercials.
36. Christopher Columbus
didn't need directions, and
neither do we.
37. Women wearing Wonder
bras and low-cut blouses
lose their right to complain
about having their boobs
stared at.
38. Consider Golf a mini-
vacation from you. We need
it, just like you do.
39. Telling us that the
models in the men's
magazines are airbrushed
makes you look jealous and
petty and it's certainly not
going to deter us from
reading the magazine.
40. The relationship is never
going to be like it was the
first two months we were
going out.
AND FINALLY, THE NUMBER ONE
RULE:
1. Don't rub the lamp if you
don't want the genie to
come out.